Real Talk for Moms: Comparing Progress

Haylee (Daughter)

As a mom, especially a new one, it’s hard to sometimes not compare your little one’s progress (& yours) to another’s. My friend and I were talking about an episode of Bluey where the mom is telling Bluey and Bingo about how Bluey learned to walk. In the episode, the mom expresses to the girls how she constantly compared Bluey’s progress to another little one and how she equated that progress to her own worth. Seems pretty complex for a children’s show, but that’s just part of the reason I think so many people resonate with it – parents especially.

I found myself comparing the other day, and I felt ashamed when I realized it. Ashamed, not because of where my toddler is in her progress, – because I am BEYOND proud of her – but because I let the world’s standards begin to define her. I had to stop and remind myself of all the things she CAN do, all the “milestones” she’s already SURPASSED, and how much JOY and HAPPINESS she brings to the world. For us, she is perfect in every single way.

Being her mom has healed me in ways I didn’t even know I needed to be healed. Things I didn’t necessarily like about myself growing up, I see in her and absolutely love. She’s funny and silly and weird, and I get to help her embrace those sides of her instead of stifling them. I have the opportunity to help her be the best version of herself without the world’s input. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not oblivious to the fact that at some point, somewhere down the line, she will probably be influenced by the outside world’s opinion. With that being said, her journey with self confidence starts at home and that also means I need to lead by example. 

Comparing myself to other moms, other wives, other women…not only is it not doing me any good, but it’s not doing her any good either.

If she finds me picking apart my appearance, my abilities, or any other part of me, she is likely to do the same to herself; overanalyzing, overthinking, creating stress and anxiety that will follow her throughout her entire life. Thankfully she’s still pretty young, so I have a little bit of time to continue working on correcting my own behaviors so they don’t spill over onto her, but my time is running out fast. This little one is like a sponge, absorbing anything and everything around her. 

At the end of the day, I hope to remember and remind myself that my worth is found in Jesus. I hope to teach her and remind her that her own worth is found there as well. We are unique and fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, and not just us obviously, but you and your little ones too! Be kind to yourself (& your babies) about where you are in this current season. Progress isn’t linear, it’s not a one size fits all, it doesn’t always look the same for every season of life.

All that matters is that you are moving forward – big steps, little steps – doesn’t matter. Just stay the course, have patience, and give yourself a little grace.