Learning to Put Myself First

Therese (Mom)

I’m not very good at putting myself first.

Even something as simple as taking a shower can feel rushed. I’m in and out as quickly as possible because I don’t want to get in anyone’s way. There’s always a list of things waiting for me when I step out. Relaxing in the shower rarely feels like an option…

it feels like a luxury I haven’t earned.

I’ll happily meal prep for my husband every week so he has healthy meals ready to go, but somehow, I forget to do the same for myself. I make sure everyone else is taken care of, and then I figure out my own meals later… or sometimes not at all.

For a long time, I never questioned why I do this. It just felt normal. Then one day I started thinking about where it might have started…

I grew up in a household with six brothers and sisters. Money was tight, and my parents worked incredibly hard to make sure we had what we needed. Looking back now, one memory stands out more than anything else. My mom would make sure all of us were fed first. Only after we were done eating would she sit down and eat whatever was left.

At the time, I didn’t think much about it. It was just what moms did, but when you grow up watching someone you love constantly put themselves last, you quietly learn that this is what caring looks like.

You learn that being a good wife, mother, or caregiver means making sure everyone else is okay first. and somewhere along the way, your own needs start to feel less important.

The truth is, many of us were raised by women who carried the ENTIRE weight of their families with strength and sacrifice. They showed us what unconditional love looks like, but, sometimes, we also inherit the belief that taking care of ourselves should come last.

With that being said, life has slowly been teaching me something different.

After being diagnosed with cancer not once, but twice, my body has made it VERY clear that I cannot live that way forever. Surviving something that serious changes you. It forces you to pause and ask questions you may have avoided for years.

• What does it mean to truly care for yourself?
• What does it look like to treat your own body with the same kindness you give to everyone else?

Cancer has a way of reminding you that your body is not something to ignore or push aside. It needs care. It needs rest. It needs attention.

And maybe most importantly—it needs compassion.

I’m still learning how to do this…Some days it looks like slowing down in the shower and allowing myself a few quiet moments before the day begins. Some days it means preparing a meal for myself with the same intention and care that I give to others. Some days it simply means reminding myself that my needs matter too.

For women like me, learning to put ourselves first doesn’t happen overnight. It’s something we practice in small ways, day after day. Maybe change doesn’t happen in big dramatic moments. Maybe it begins in the quiet decision to care for ourselves just a little more than we did yesterday.

So I’ll leave you with this question:

What is one small way you can take care of yourself today?