Haylee (Daughter)

It’s no secret that what happened to me this year, also happened to my family. While I may have been the one lying in the hospital bed, my family was there with me in every way, every shape, every form, every step of the way. 

My daughter wasn’t even 2 yet when all of this started, and she’ll be almost 3 when, hopefully, the physical portion of this season will be over – healing time included.

I think constantly about how this whole thing has affected her. The separation anxiety and the night terrors are obvious side effects, but I wonder about the smaller changes, the ones we aren’t necessarily seeing so clearly. I find myself wondering “Is she doing that or acting that way because she’s a toddler or because it’s a trauma response from us being gone?”.  Odds are, I’ll never know for sure…at least until she’s old enough to really communicate it all herself. 

I do know for certain that the mom I was before all this, is not the mom I am today, and it’s not the mom I’ll be when all of this is said and done. 

The kind of mother I want to be after this season is over, is a “Yes” Mom. Now, that doesn’t mean that I’ll say “Yes” to absolutely anything and everything this little love of mine asks for, but I will definitely be saying “Yes” to more. Let me explain.

I am one to stress, even about the little things. We have to do this, this has to get done before we can do that, we have to leave at this time or we won’t be early, we can’t do abc because of xyz, etc. After all of this though, I’ve come to realize that none of that truly matters. Sure the dishes in the sink need to get done, but my girl wants to have a dance party in the kitchen. Sure we need to leave soon, but she’s not done cuddling. Sure blowing bubbles in the house isn’t always the best idea, but it’s raining outside, there’s muddy puppy prints on the floor, and it needed to be desperately mopped anyway. 

Now obviously there will still be moments when I absolutely have to say “No”, but for the most part, if I can, I’m saying “Yes”. 

Yes to the extra cuddle time, yes to the dance parties, yes to the laughter filling my home, yes to the excitement in her eyes, yes to the joy it brings, not just into her life, but into mine. This experience has taught me so much, but if I could only take away one thing from it all, I’d take away this. Life truly is way too short. It is gone in an instant. 

& Maybe if we took the conscious effort to say “Yes” more, we all be a lot happier.